Two way Or One way ?

Just two days before I came across a Facebook status written about an old lady, abandoned by her well settled two engineer sons. I hit like and moved away. Later I find out, that story has stroked a lot of questions into my not-so-capable-mind.

     
            Ø  How should parents nurture their children?

                  Ø  Is kinship is the only means of life?

                  Ø  What are the responsibilities of a child towards their aged parents?

                  Ø  Do parents too possess some responsibility?

And blah blah blah. 

I seriously couldn't figure out a stereotype solution. Parent-child relationship is a sacred bond and sensitive issue to discuss or give any view upon. I talked with many of my nearest and dearest. Some of them advised me not to interfere into this laissez-faire.  Some other’s opinion was deft and some others were uncanny. These things escalated my research and below I have encapsulated few of them in a form of conversation.

HSP: Parents should preplan their own care, as part of being a responsible adult while everyone should and can be responsible for them. They should be responsible to plan at least something for their retirement and care. A parent's poor planning impacts the life of their kids. What a horrible snowball effect! I cared for my mother, and now my dad. My dad had surgery and came to our home for support after a heart attack. He has a 3000 sq foot home 12 miles away. Refuses to live there, refuses to sell it and refuses to take care of it. I now have him, the pool and yard, as well as a houseful of everything to take care of. It’s not that I don’t have siblings. They just walked away. What would you say about it?

Mr. O: Do unto others Species survival. Just like we care for our children when they are unable to care of themselves. Your parents have earned respect (hopefully). They would never let you suffer or see you go without. If they are unable to live comfortably when they are unable to continue to take care of their own needs, it's a family's responsibility to do so.

HSP: Yes if the parent earned it through parenting, but not just for having the same DNA. Children should not be obligated to take care of their parents simply because they are your parents. Parents have to take care of their children until adulthood because parents make the choice to have children and have to take responsibility for their choices. Children do not make a conscious choice to have parents therefore have no responsibility to take.

Mr. O: Holly Lord! It is our duty by Mother Nature to take care of our elderly parents! They gave us a life and looked after us and helped us to grow up, they do anything for us and to be there for us when we need them, make sure to provide us a roof, protect us if anything bad happens. They give us love to live. Without them, we would not be here! Since parents were responsible for their children's care, there is a moral obligation for those children to take care of their parents when they become elderly.

HSP: We choose to help them that should not be because of obligation that should be because we have a good relationship with them.

Mr. O: Rather, this should be a reciprocal relationship when the child grows to adulthood.

HSP: If there is a constant gap of generation and concept, how could they suppose to survive together? That’s why government has opened nursing homes, old-age-homes. These days number of NGOs is also coming forward to take good care of them! There, they all will be of same age and can feel more comfortable like we feel among the company of friends. Isn’t it?

Mr. O: How would you feel if you were this elderly person? Some elderly people are afraid of nursing homes; it would make them feel more loved if they stay at your house as long as you have the room. It’s a kind and loving thing to do and all people want respect, but if you can’t do it you can’t change that. Anyway what would you want if you were in this position?

HSP: Aha! My father-in-law stays with us as my wife is his only daughter. He is not physically unable to live alone, though he is 75, just emotionally; as he says he cannot live alone since my Mother-in-law passed away. My dear wife has left her professional job to help care for her father, whom we all love. However, he talks about the same things every day and has a very limited range of conversation. This is not good for her brain and she is now beginning to feel old before her time. My kids feel their grand-father has taken over their mom’s life and he spends more time with her than us. He has his own ideas on how things are done and has his principals. There are constant debates over the way we do things and what we believe in.

Mr. O: Dear, every minute counts when you LOVE someone... Because they also need our LOVE and CARE, in spite of all their imperfections and mistakes (for no one is perfect) they need us more than ever before, for there some things they can't do for themselves anymore and they also need companion and affirmation with their remaining days that only you and I as their children and grand children could give. Love them while they still with you... We Love because God love us first.

HSP: One last question Mr. Optimist. My parents and whatever relatives that was in their generation never really seemed happy doing it back in their days and I figured once future generations came along not many of the adult children would be willing participants to provide for their aging parents.

Mr. O: Behold! Be a good example when we grow old, wouldn't we want our children to take care of us too? Imagine you were in their position- having cared for your children for so long, only to have them abandon you when you need them most. That might well be the case, because as an adult, you have children, who you would be setting a bad example for if you leave your parents to their own defenses. Tomorrow we will attain age of our Old Parents but our parents cannot come back to our Age. I hope my children will treat me like I treat my mine. With love and respect. J

(P.S. This complete conversation is discovered. Not invented.)

Though this conversation ended in parent’s for, I feel completely foul and dither. I simply couldn't concoct a mid-way solution to this rustic relationship. My morals spur me to take Mr. O’s side. At the same time, HSP’s points are also not distorted. I can conclude one thing with the help of my not-so-capable-brain that Parent-children relationship is a two-way highway. Both should put mutual efforts to understand each other without losing their own space.